World Book Day

http://www.worldbookday.com/about/

Celebrate. Read a book. Make reading a part of your life.

You may already be doing this, so you probably already know what joy this brings. If you don't read regularly, take some time out of your day and start. It is never too late to begin.

A couple books in, you will begin to understand the joys of your imagination. You will understand the difference between the instant gratification of video and television, and the slow, mind-expanding wonder of turning printed words into vivid thoughts.

Open a book and open up new worlds inside your mind.

Still Working on Things

The website is still down.

It is like buying something you can't fix, honestly. I suppose this is the way it is nowadays, we are moving away from the old-fashioned "small fix-it shop" world where an average Jane or Joe with tools and a little know how can fix what we rely on to "send it back to the factory" and have it replaced by an identical something.

Either that, or go to these commoditized, somewhat less-freedom, mass-market solutions like this. But then again...this works. There is a team paid to maintain it. This is a service.

It's funny, in the last couple years I feel the dream of 'running your own site' is dying. Browsers require SSL connections or they warn people off your site saying "not secure" - and you need to pay to get a certificate. Why do you need the certificate and the secure connection? Well, for one, so what you do and read on a site won't be harvested and sold by your ISP or carrier - just check the news recently. Of course, they still know you went here, but what you do here is hidden if you are coming in via https:// and something verified secure.

Another nail in the coffin of "doing it yourself" is security. The world we live in. I keep my site up-to-date as soon as patches come out, and I keep up on all the problems old versions have. But when you get a patch that wrecks your site, it wrecks it. If you don't have an on-call IT team or really great knowledge of what you run, you are out of luck.

Plus, the world we live in today is more complex. You need themes and sites that are mobile friendly. You think of mobile first nowadays, and gone are the old sites built for the desktop on the desktop, and the whole notion of "who cares about phone and tablet users?" Mobile is only one example, there are hundreds of other subjects like this to think about - and again, if you do it yourself you need to worry about them.

The big problem about commoditized systems is freedom. A lot of places don't like to touch mature subjects. A lot of places hide you from search if you have any sort of mature content. You live in obscurity, invisible to search, and found by word of mouth only.

A marketing professor once told me, "if your business plan is word of mouth then you need a new plan."

This applies to books on stores as well. If people can't find them, why write them? This has been my struggle with writing mature works, they languish in no-search land, they aren't really recommended to most readers, and the early halcyon golden days where mature works would show up in general store searches is over. Now, stores know better, and they cracked down (and keep cracking down).

Everyone wants to be family friendly.

I do give some stores a lot of credit, at least the books are still sold. They can't be marketed as what they are, but they are still on the shelf. The old "word of mouth" thing applies here as well, and you are back to square one.

It is why we protect free speech for everybody. Even if we don't agree with what they say. The "chilling effect" is just as bad as outright censorship. I feel if you say "I am triggered" by something and expect "action" you are a proponent of censorship. Old-time liberals in the 1960's and 70's would have had a stroke over the trigger-and-censor games happening today.

You have the right to be triggered by something, but you take that away and you take away your freedoms. Don't think this will be used against you or something you like some day, as the other often larger and better organized side will push for their people to be "triggered" and all of a sudden things that offend them will go away.

You were triggered and had action taken, right? What happens when a religious or morality group organizes millions of people to be constantly and vocally 'triggered' by things that should be protected by free speech or even equal rights? Things that you like and appreciate being produced. And not just for one time on social media, but for campaigns lasting months or even years with a constant stream of anger and organized vocal proponents?

You are not going to win that fight.

And things trigger me all the time, but I know better to keep quiet. They have that right, as do I. I speak up from time to time, but in this day of the 'weaponized troll' age it is better to be the better person and let your actions define you instead of getting into fights.

I talk about this because companies want to avoid this sort of heat. When they get heat, they crack down. What we can sell is shrunk and hidden away in some back corner. What we can say about our books is reduced. We have to use secret code words for things we should be able to say. Someone would be triggered, after all.

And as we move to commoditized systems we need to obey the rules.

This blog is an example. I have never reviewed or discussed mature content here, and my warning flag is not set - since this is my mainstream blog. This gets better hits than something flagged 'mature content' because it can be searched and seen. I infrequently update it, and it still gets better hits than a lot of other sites.

Such is the power of the chilling effect. Just ask those on video-sharing sites about automatic age-restrictions and demonetization. I feel their glory days are coming to an end now, where they could drop a couple f-bombs while playing a game and get thousands of viewers of all ages to subscribe.

Again, big companies don't like that. Everyone wants to be family friendly. Someone was triggered. Let's solve this problem. Let's put age-restrictions in place for those commentary videos that should not be heard by those who should not hear them. Let's hide them from searches and related video lists.

But I have a right to say these words on a video! Free speech! Yes, just like us writers have a right to write them in our books. Free speech.

And welcome to the shadow-covered land of obscurity. We erotica writers have been here a while.

Yes, protecting people from things they don't like seeing is a noble goal. Stores want to serve the most people in the best way. But when the 'targeted content' methods used prevent those who should or want to see this mature or edgy content take away that opportunity? That is the chilling effect.

If I were smart, I would quit writing erotica. The smart thing to do is write things that can be found, appear in searches and 'related reader' recommendations, and can go out on social media without being flagged and advertisements denied. But honestly, my heart is stronger than my brain on these matters. But I still hear my head when times get tough, like this current situation.

It is that voice in the back of your head saying, "Walk the easy path and walk away."

I am not saying I am yet, but this is the fight I fight in my head every day.

Work on restoring the site continues.

Fly Away Dove, Fly Away

Love is what makes it so hard.

But it also makes it so special.

It is hard letting go of the things we love. The things which bring us happiness. The things which have become a part of us. The shock of them leaving us tears our hearts out, and it makes us pause.

It makes us face our own mortality.

No matter how great, how central, or even if something which we bring into our lives sits on the periphery yet is still loved - it is a part of us.

And when we lose a part of us?

It hurts.

It takes away something we thought certain, thought we would have forever, and something which we always took for granted. Things we love shall always be here, right?

Right?

And the silence of that certain answer in the negative gives us a chill.

The things we love will always go away.

For that is what makes them so special.

And they shall always be a part of us. Forever until our passings.

U shall always be a part of ME.

This world shall always be a more beautiful place because of U.

Goodbye, my Prince.

Fly away, dove.

Fly away.

Hope

Let it renew inside you.

Let it flow forth like crystal-clear water in a spring.

Let it gently guide you down the river of life.

It is something which you must bring into your heart, hope, and with it sustain and nurture your very being. It shall be like blood to you, this hope, and it shall carry every breath you make to every fiber of your being. Hope shall be that which gives you the energy to live.

To love what you do.

To be the best you are.

It is difficult at times, finding this power. It seems to elude us like the passing of a stray breeze, we feel it at random moments, yet we are unable to capture it and harness its power. We seek to feel it again, ever waiting in one place for this gentle force to push on us again.

But I have found a way we can turn hope on at will, to instantly find the power of the wind, to feel it against our skin, and to bring this wondrous energy back into our lives.

On a still day, the only way to feel the wind is to put one foot in front of another and walk.

In the still moments of your life, the only way to feel hope is to move forward and live.

...but Look at Me Now

It's unlikely any of us is going to put $20 in a slot machine or a lottery ticket and instantly make it.

But to wish for that, or to have it happen, is almost a disservice to how great you really are.

You don't remember much after making it, but before? Your stories of the struggles, waking up day after day and wondering, all the hardships you faced - these are the tales of legends. They will be the stories you tell people, over and over again, about how hard it was and how everything was stacked against you, yet you hung in there.

You kept trying.

You believed.

When everyone was doubting you, when the entire Internet seemed aligned against you, and you could get no breaks at all, these will be the hardships you fondly remember and set the scene for your success story.

The world has to be against you in this moment, for this is your stage in which those who hear your tale will hear, their mouths agape in awe at how bad you had it back then. Revel in this moment. Soak it in. Laugh at how hard life is right now, because this shall be your Mordor, your Death Star, your world against you and all odds saying any mortal person would have failed. You will want the world as completely against you as you can manage, and even then, you shall laugh and say...

"Bring it on."

This is your moment. These are your tough times. You will look back at this day and smile, becuase that sometime in the future, you will be able to say, "I beat it."

You won.

You survived.

And you just did not survive, you thrived. You fought for every spare moment and used those times between to follow your dream. You put in extra work when the rest of us would have lied down and slept, or turned on the television and zoned out. But you didn't. You put in the work. You self-educated yourself. You didn't have the money to buy yourself privilege or advantage, and you had nothing. You had to scratch and claw at every spare moment of time and apply yourself. You studied. You learned. You held down a job. You suffered through the misery of life, every damn day. You put up with the BS and the phone calls, the bad days at work, sickness, and adversity. Family. Tragedy. Sadness. Depression.

At times, the hardest times were just inside your head, and you realized that.

You fought back. You worked your ass off. You not only did well at work, you got home and sat right down to work on your dream. Through all the distractions. Through all the daily this and that. Through being so tired you wondered how you would go on. Through constant and endless distractions. You pushed them aside.

You learned how great being focused felt.

You suffered too, even after you began living your dream. You were ruthlessly criticized. Bullied. Called out for stupid mistakes. Ravaged. Your dreams were called stupid. You were told to quit. To just get the message. To hang it up.

What you did was trash. Garbage. It could never compare to anything even a mediocre person could do. You had your dreams trashed in a heartbeat by callous and thoughtless words.

And if you needed to cry, you did.

But that next day, you picked yourself up. You opened up that book. You created a new project. You sat down to learn from your mistakes. You toughened up. You admitted you weren't perfect. You started something new. You got better the next time. You put your dreams and hopes into this new work that-

-was knocked down just as easy as the first.

You can't make money doing what you love. Who are you to even try? Here's one star, if you even got a review, just out of sympathy. It seems you didn't get the message the first time, so I shall tell you again. Quit while your ahead. Don't waste your time.

Those hurtful words. Those lashes. Those things which rip out your soul.

You need to wear those scars with pride. You need to adorn them with your war-paint because you shall be on that battlefield again one day, wearing those scars, and keeping doing what you love doing because you know some day it shall happen. You will take those words, repeat them to yourself, and smile. For those words are your validation. Those words are your hard times. You will "be there" someday and tell people those same exact words. Those words that someone tried to tear you down with, that you were a talent-less hack, that you knew nothing, that you released sloppy work (and maybe you did), and you just outright sucked.

"But look at me now," shall be the words which follow those.

"But look at me now."

So you need to remember those hurtful words, because you shall show them all some day. You will shine, and they will have just have those same, old, worthless words. Those hurtful words shall be the stones under your feet. You shall use them to stack up on each other to reach that next step. You need them, because that is what makes you strong.

Denying them the victory.

The rest? A lot of hard work. More than you can imagine. Days you won't ever be inspired and wonder if it is all worth it. More work. More feeling stupid. More learning. More putting time in. More things which you create that languish in obscurity. More throwing time and money into a black hole. More feeling hopeless. More applying yourself. More starting something new. More trying again. More just keeping doing what you are doing.

Love helps at this point. If you don't love what you do, it shall be twice as hard.

Reaching out. Helping others. Being a part of something. Helping others helps you, because you understand how the world works just a little more. Exposing yourself to inspiration. Reading. Studying. More hard work. More the next project. Taking time for yourself. Rest. Getting back into it. Doing the things in life that are required of you but not your dream.

And waking up the next day to start it all over again.

Because you want to be there some day.

To have "made it."

And you want your story to be good.

Yes, Anyone Can Do It

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/what-makes-a-photographer-when-everyone-is-taking-pictures/

This.

If you were ever wondering about that question 'what makes you special' as an artist or writer it is this. Let me quote:

There are a lot of things that make a good photograph. You have to think about texture and gesture and composition, and all the things that painting has in it. Technology doesn’t change the way photography is. It just — it makes it available to more people, which means there’s going to be much, much more really terrible pictures taken or pictures that are totally dependent on subject, which is all, all right.

If you were there when the Hindenburg caught on fire, and you took a picture of it, that’s a great photograph. But you’re not a great photographer, because you can’t repeat that in everyday things.

What a great photographer does is, they are consistently able to make something in a style that’s personal to themselves. My pictures don’t depend on extreme sharpness. They depend on the composition and on the subject and on the way I see it.

Let me paraphrase this as a writer. There are a lot of things that make a great book, plot, voice, and pacing - just like a photograph or a painting, there are essential and universal qualities to a piece of writing where we can say, yes, this is a great book.

Technology does not change the nature of books or great writing, it just means the technology to write books is available to everyone, which means a truly staggering number of terrible books shall be written - but that is all right, and perfectly fine.

Everybody is free to try, and everybody starts somewhere. Show me a great writer and I will show you someone who started out by writing terrible books. There is nothing wrong with this.

Let's get to the central and most powerful idea, although those two preceding ones are great in their own rights. The fact there are pictures totally dependent on subject. Mr. Van Sickle gives the example of the Hindenburg, if you were there at that moment and captured that, then yes, that is a great photograph since you were the one who captured this first, or were the only person who did so at that moment in time.

Let's look at famous books, such as Fifty Shades of Grey, The Hunger Games, or even Harry Potter. Those were the firsts, and they created genres of writing which are like the "subjects" our photographer friend speaks of. Endless books covering these same subjects came out after these books were released, and most all of the books copying the first books in these genres seek to endlessly copy the subject matter of the original hit books.

What makes you special is not the subject matter.

Think about that.

Anyone can write a Fifty Shades knock off. Anyone. Just like anyone can point a camera at the Eiffel Tower and take a great photograph. Isn't that a great and worthy piece of art, just by the nature of its subject? But yet, billions of lousy pictures of the Eiffel Tower exist from the dawn of photography all the way to today, and for as far in the future as you can see. So what is the difference? I think Mr. Van Sickle says it best:

Your ability to consistently make something in a style personal to yourself.

That. It is not your subject matter that matters. It depends on the way you see things. It depends on how you express things. You ever wonder why these books come out, first in a subject, and then they do so well and everyone criticizes the writing or the tone and it is universally panned yet it does incredible sales? Why?

It is that picture of the Hindenburg. It is being at the right moment at the right time. Your skill as a photographer matters less than being at the right moment at the right time with the camera loaded or the book ready to go and pressing that button. Everyone and everything else after this magical moment shall be copying you. That is the power of the singualar moment and being able to recognize it.

But we are never guaranteed being the first, or being somewhere at a moment where the mere presence of being there or having the right book at the right time. So what makes us, as artists, special? What makes people come back to us, time and time again? It is not that we can repeat others, because everybody can do this. The technology makes it trivial.

What makes people come back to us is a vision, an ability to take any piece of subject matter and transform it into "a style personal to yourself" and share it with the world. If people react to that style, you connect. People come back. They seek not just one book of yours, but all of them. It takes something deep inside, an ability to look at something in this world and turn it into a unique creation where your personal style shines through.

Your personal style and ability to see and transform your thoughts into words is so much more important than your subject matter.

Technical skill matters. You can't go around writing books full of errors or taking photographs out of focus. You need to be able to deliver what's inside your head.

There is nothing more important than these two facts.

Subject matter is a secondary concern to an artist. To a commercial writer where you are doing genre fiction, of course, it is a primary concern.

Upon an Ocean Together

http://ereaderotica.com/?p=5668

If you get a moment today, read that. This is one of part of my Workshop series over on e-read, and I am told it is beautiful and inspiring many, writers and those who create.

The Queen of a Hardened Heart

How did we get so callous? So jaded? So uncaring of the plights of others and even ourselves?

When did we learn to close our eyes? Have we become so accustomed to terrible news and tragedy that we shut out the world and seek the safety of our own little circles and tribes? Do we see and hear so much that we can't take it anymore and want to hide in the fallacy of our own manufactured realities?

Forget virtual reality like the Occulus VR and others, many of us are permanently stuck in our personal realities. Fake worlds we build for ourselves with little lies about who we are in them and how people see us. Our own personal Wonderlands with the people we know playing Hatters and Cheshire Cats, nonsensical rules for our tea parties, and make-believe physics for how things work in our own little private worlds that we share with others who see us as a part of their own creation as well.

It feels at times that we are not a world anymore, we are a billion sets of eyes all looking out and each seeing a different one.

Of course in my world there is no suffering, no poverty, no injustice, and no corruption. There are no poor people living on the streets, and no mentally ill denied treatment to help them live normal lives. There is no abuse, no discrimination, and no singling out people to be bullied or insulted because of sex, race, or creed.

No one stands up and defends the bullied, for fear they would become bullied as well. If one person says, "this isn't cool" they will be dumped in with the others and laughed at as well. It is all a game, a heinous party of insults and mockery, and we laugh along drunk on our power to ignore and marginalize.

We laugh with the bullies for what they say to others, like this is somehow unreal and there isn't anyone real on the other side of that abuse. Our world is like the movies, where the actors can say the meanest things to each other for our entertainment and when the cameras stop everything is okay.

We turn off the phone and the computer and the movie is over, right? The homeless aren't still out there, the hungry have food now, or someone isn't crying over someone's savage and senseless attacks. When that little screen goes off, so do all the problems of that world.

Because we don't live in that world, do we?

Absolutely not.

The next time I log on, I will choose the news I want to see, tailor the world to how I wish to see it, and custom build myself a little Wonderland of my own choosing. This is about choice, is it not? I am a consumer, and consumers deserve the right to choose. I am the rabbit running around, and instead of endlessly being late, I am endlessly complaining about choice. My choice! My choice! I need more choice! I can choose to not see things which upset me, choose not to have my views challenged, and choose to silence everyone else who may disagree with me. With just a few clicks of a button it is done.

My own personal world with the Hatters, rabbits and Cheshire Cats of my choosing.

And I the Queen. I sit on my throne and laugh at those who scream "off with their heads" at anyone different than the a royal court custom chosen to fit my view of the world. Of course they would all agree with me, because I didn't pick anyone to be in my court who would think otherwise. Dissent? Off with their heads as I unfriend them and delete their posts.

I am the Queen of Hearts in my own personal Ministry of Truth. I have the power to unsee all whom upset me and challenge my rule.

And my party goes on with laughter and merriment for all whom I choose to exist.

Thoughts From the Road

A hard life.

It's like you are always moving, heading down some road, and dealing with what's around the next bend. Watch those around you. Signal. Change lanes. Check speed. Put yourself somewhere safe for a while until you do this all again.

The sun comes up, you stop for gas, and get back on the road after a quick stretch.

It wears after a while. You begin to wonder with too much time alone. Your mind wanders. You feel the sting of impatience and there's nothing you can do except move on, on to the next town, and to the next place where you change roads.

There is a lot to see here. Good memories. Places you've never been or maybe have a time too many. Still, it is good to get out and away. It will be better getting home. It has been a long trip already.

Another car to pass, and another corner to wind around. A hill that seems to go on forever. You know the road ahead this time, as this part is familiar. You know how this goes. Over here, a turn there. The same exits. The same hills. A long boring part and a dozen more past that, with only highlights along the way to keep your thoughts preoccupied.

It is those dreams that kill you and keep you going on. Things you wish you could have done, places that you wished you could have been. Thoughts about the future. Escaping. Being free. Being out here, or going somewhere new. Things you wished you could do. Success you chase down these roads and then back to the same old familiar grind.

Back home.

A certainty in comfort. There is nothing like that place. The familiar. The warm blanket of security and days exactly like each other. The routine. The normal. A bed and bath all your own.

Memories fuel your desire. You want to be back there, back home.

There is a little more to do here, and you start to count the hours until the bags are packed and the car is loaded up for the last leg of this journey. The sun sets. Just a little longer.

Enjoy the moment.

The road calls, but there is an eddy of time now to reflect and reminisce. To consider where you have been and what you have done. To relax one last time before there is another car, another turn, and another impossibly long hill to climb.

Patience.

Something mother always used to say. Patience. Waiting for it. Putting in the careful hard work until it's done. Another turn, another stop for gas, and maybe finding a place to grab some food.

You count the hours until home.

The road seems to get longer and longer as the daylight fades.

Just another turn, another long stretch, and I'll be home.

Less is More

I want to experiment with writing less. With making fewer words mean more.

I want to boil things down. To make each word count.

I find more difficulty in being concise with being verbose. There is meaning to impart, and with less words, how is that done? Words must be carefully chosen. The statements I make must be strong enough to stand alone. To excise the extraneous. To trim excess.

To know when to leave something well enough alone.

For a point and a book can become belabored. It can overstay its welcome. It can become too much of a commitment for a reader's investment. It can wander. It can revel in the writer's own wit far too much.

There will be less of what I say, but what you get will be the very best. It shall not waste your time. It shall not wander. It shall not waste its energy carrying fat-filled and self-important prose. In our super-sized world where expectations are delivered in wholesale-club sizes, it is a seemingly impossible task.

To write less.

And to mean more.

Writing Area Revamp

We can't write in a bad place.

Just like we can't truly cook in a messy and inadequate kitchen, or relax in a place with smells and distraction, we can't write in a place focused on clutter and negative energy. I am currently in a state like this, my workstation lost in a sea of clutter and objects which drain instead of inspire, take away rather than add, and remind me of too many negative thoughts.

It's time to clean house.

So I plan, I need to move this here and that there, the route needs to go in another room, the cables need to be tied and bundled. The printer, out of here, and the rest of everything else focused and cleaned and in a different way with the negative removed and the positive accentuated. things have gotten too cluttered and frumpy, layers of lazy thoughts, piles of paper like sediment, and the ever present threat of negative reinforcement.

So plan I do, and clean I must. All this needs to go, to be shuffled around, organized, replaced, moved, vacuumed, dusted, and made new again. I have too many little pieces of junk in my cone of vision which rob me of free thought, and it is time for radical change. Notes for work, notebooks, pens, computers, cables, phones - all of it, visual garbage, and it needs to go. I need to pull up a black plastic bag and remove that which gets in the way of creativity and love. I need to clean. I need to focus. I need a fresh start.

So there will come a time the computer gets turned off, the chair moved, the desk pulled out, the shelves cleaned, monitors unplugged and moved, and I shall get to start over again. I need this, and it has gone on too long. I need this refreshening, I need this new beginning, and I need this wiping down of the grime of work, and reveal the clean sheen of creative thought.

It is time.

Tomorrow shall be the day, and even if I have to spend all day at it, I shall get what I want. For piece of mind and clarity of thought are precious, and a clean slate to express myself on is what I need right now.

Change Refocus

There comes a point in life, personal and professional, where you refocus.

You are at a point in your life where can slog through more of what you don't love.

Or you can start thinking about the things you do love, and focus on those.

You know the feeling. It is a process of letting go, of admitting you are grinding gears trying to get up a hill you never wanted to climb, and making lists in your mind of those things.

Those things you love.

Those things you don't.

You reaffirm things too. I love writing. I love sharing. I love creating. You need rocks upon which to stand. You need things you love. You need building blocks. You need mortar and wood with which you shall build upon your foundation.

You need to realize your foundation and what that is built from. You have skills, things which you are very good at, and these things are your foundation. If you do not love the rock upon which you build, everything shall be for naught. Success is built upon the rock of love.

You collect things in your mind. I love this, I like that. These are the things of which I do. These other things are not so important. These other things I despise and dislike, and I choose not to make them a part of my life. You gather things even without a course set or a destination planned, you pack together the things which you wish to take with you on your next journey. You realize the true worth of objects. You lighten the load. You start valuing the things you need.

Things sitting right in front of your face which you have discounted take on new importance.

The trivial and the items of vanity you thought you had a passing interest in become the core of your being. Those were the things you really loved, and you never knew it. You collected them almost subconsciously, or perhaps it is fate, and you realize the new importance of things you dismissed as the mundane.

You refocus, and this takes a little calm peace of mind. The picture may appear for a moment, and you play with the lens, and something more important appears and the image in your mind becomes clear. Or it doesn't and you keep playing. There is the technique of the calm, patient, and collected mind you hone by adjusting your focus, looking, seeing, and considering. You make more adjustments, consider, and keep trying. Things start appearing. These things stick in your mind and become pieces of your creative core.

You learn through the small movements. You adjust with the gathering weight of experimentation. You build a creative dream, a process of looking, observing, listening, and thought. One by one, you collect, consider, and reflect the pieces upon the whole. It may come all at once, or it may take a while to focus and see the larger dream.

The only thing you commit to in this phase is yourself. The floating notion of a dream. The things you love and where they call you to.

You rest.

Yet your mind wanders.

You let the pieces of the past go.

A new picture becomes clear.

And a magic moment appears where you can see it take form. You can see it take shape. And all of a sudden a thousand puzzle pieces floating around in your head line up all at once and you more feel the rightness of your path that you can see the product of your imagination.

And then, the first step is taken.

Change.

Refocus.