Adam, the White-Winged Angel

Adam is an interesting character that came out of nowhere. He represents the celestial forces of good fighting back against the madness spread by the forces of evil in my book On Black Wings. He is part of the heavenly response team, and needless to say, they probably played this entire situation wrong. The forces of good up above were clearly taken by surprise here, and Adam appears in two places in the book.

He confronts Jessica once peacefully as first under human guise, and he wants her to stop what she is doing. He tries to do things without invoking his angelic form, and he probably has a good reason to stay hidden. At that point, he doesn't know how far she has fallen, so there is a bit of walking on eggshells for him when he first meets her, feeling her psyche out, and he was possibly told to check her and then report in to the angelic forces back home.

He returns, and she is gone. She does look for him, but he is gone at first. It is an awkward moment between them, two people 'losing' each other because of an ability one doesn't understand and the other does. It's a strange twist of fate they lose each other, but it's one of those things that just happens.

He loses track of her until later in the book, and he attacks Jessica and two of the horsemen with furious intent, and he was sent to take the three of them out. There's obviously something going on up above that labeled her as a threat, so he swoops in and changes the direction of her path. She was cooperating with evil up until that point, but his sacrifice makes her think twice, and she is back to a familiar place again.

Adam's fall signifies what she could become, and the blood on white wings metaphor is a strong one. Adam is quite likely who she wants to see herself as in an ideal world, a white-winged angel of goodness and light. When he falls, she is taken aback, and she takes it upon herself to save his life.

She takes his sword and his bow, and in a way, she becomes him in spirit.

Adam's fall puts her back on the path, and she has a wonderful scene on a stretch of desert highway between Los Angeles and Las Vegas that is a classic scene, again right out of a movie. She's on the freeway, sexy armor and black wings, and cars are speeding by her honking their horns thinking she is an exotic dancer heading home to LA. Nobody knows the better, the world ends in seven hours, and she waits for her friends to pick her up so she can get back to saving the world.

It's another one of those moments where you ask if someone isn't sending these people her way to gently guide her back on the path. You'll need to read the book and think about that one, and I don't have an answer because I'm leaving it up to you.

Past Tense as Older Jessica

I had some fun in two of the earlier chapters for her future self in On Black Wings, and you see this shift in the beginning of the book. Whenever she is in her future self body, the verb tense switches to past tense. A clue? Her future self is in the past? I wanted it this way from the very start, whenever she switches to her future self body as a PoV, the tense switches to the past tense, and we are writing again.

There's one exception, the hospital scene in the end. Again, I do this on purpose, at this point her past and present forms are together again, and she realizes who she is. Her younger self's PoV takes over, she knows what it happening, and the tense is the default present tense.

This isn't a mistake, I wanted things this way.

I wanted to throw readers just a little bit, and I wanted that off-balance feeling to hit you when she shifted bodies between her younger self and her older one. It's like her future self is a past memory coming out of the recesses of her mind. She remembers these things, right? They are real, aren't they? Well, we don't know, and her perceptions are totally screwed up when the action starts.

It's also why the verb tense shifts so suddenly when her seventeen year old self walks down the stairs and enters the scene. Right there, mid chapter, bam, instant tense shift, and we are in present-tense while we watch the horror unfold. Did I need to do this? Probably not, but I wanted to so I stuck to it. It also gives me a clear PoV tone of voice when speaking as either of her so the reader can pick up on that later when she starts jumping between younger self and older self. A chapter starts in past-tense? Uh-oh, she just shifted to her older self.

I know this is going to get pointed out in a review as a possible oversight, but whatever, artistic choice and something I really wanted to do that hospital scene later as a striking contrast. Why is she now in present tense? Shouldn't we be in past, what's going on? Another throwing the reader for a loop, and a possible hint at her mental stability and how she sees her older self.

Could that hospital scene finally mean she's pieced herself together? The reader must decide.

She Fights Back

After she meets with King Tanas, there's an unexpected jump in the story. She's pulled back in the real world, the one where the terrible disaster is happening, and she has her wings for possibly the first time.

She finds a family alone in a house, and she steps up to rescue them.

She has just went through the transformation into a villain, she was wearing the armor Death had gave her, and now she is thrust back into the real world with her wings, but no armor. There's a message there, or someone is trying to tell her something, do not believe you are what you appear to be. She quickly has to find herself, throw on some quirky Hot Topic style fashions, and get everyone to safety.

And then the undead hunters with no eyes attack, and they are shooting at them.

We are in the new world now, the one the four horsemen wish to create, a world of terrible monsters not unlike the Walking Dead but much more hellish, and she uses her wings to protect them and sends the family back into the house.

And then she fights back, picking up a rifle and laying waste to a crowd of ghoulish zombies.

It's a dramatic moment, and a clear change from her. There is a part of War's influence here growing on her, and one that will darkly blossom in the scene at the castle where she rescues Azrael. She is infected by his madness, and she finds killing zombies comes quite naturally to her. The influence and powers the horsemen are seeding her with are growing, and she is becoming one of them in power and in spirit.

The only thing that saves her is her motherly instincts, and the safety of the family comes first. She has already blown saving her own family, so maybe saving this one will make up for it. There's a fun scene with a car chase that comes next, and then the book hits the high point in the church before all hell breaks loose.

Someone put her there, or did she put herself in this house? This is the beginning of the change for her back towards good, and the first words to her not spoken by evil. So this is really a critical jump, and I don't explain it nor do I really want to. This is one of those 'reader meaning' moments you can read all sorts of stuff into. It breaks a rule she can never go where she hasn't been, so something strange is going on here.

Perhaps this is someone else guiding her towards the truth? It's up to you to decide, and that is the way it should be.

Heinrich, the Black Horseman

Heinrich, the merchant prince and the man on the black horse, is another incredible character I loved writing for in my book On Black Wings. He is the second-in-command of the plotters on the bad guy's side, but he is also the first of the horsemen Jessica meets.

She meets him as she appears looking at her own grave, and at this point she is tired, broken, and in a mental state where she just failed to save her family. She's given up in a way, her wings useless, her fate uncertain, and her life shattered and adrift. There is a subtle bit of manipulation going on here by Heinrich by bringing her to in in this state and at this place, so immediately there should be a motive not to trust him, but she doesn't care, so her defenses are down.

This is the longest chapter in the book as 4,000 words, but it just flies by for me because it is so gripping and tense in her post-breakdown haze. I did the most editing here to shorten, but so much was critical a lot survived the cut. Most of it, in fact.

Heinrich is a reasonable, practical man. That should be enough to give you pause. But she can't, she is out of sanity and energy and she could care less about her life or the next nightmare she stumbles through at this moment. Her husband has just tore into her, she watched herself die, her children are lost, and she just cannot take it anymore. The title of the previous chapter, "It's His Turn to Cry" should give you a big clue on her mental state, she is just about out of care right now.

He does the rebuilding of her in evil's image, or at least he starts. He's reasoning with her, trying to lecture her, teach her the meaning of why she is here and why she was chosen. He plants seeds, he twists her perceptions, and most importantly, he tells her she is already dead. This is a key point in the book, she lost faith in life at seventeen, so this is why she is her new younger self. She may have kept on living years after she died, got married, and had kids - but only in body - not in spirit. This is where the train stopped for her.

Again, if you see her future self as a projection of her dreams, it makes sense, and it gives her that first break with the future. If you see her as her older self trapped in a younger body, this is a terrible, horrible realization. She takes it as the latter, still trapped in that mindset, and she breaks down further. Things only get worse for her here, as all the things she feared, and worse, come true.

He also plants another seed which stays with her, that her going back in the past has made things worse. Her insistence on holding on to the past is keeping her from reaching an end to her suffering. Think about that line. It's a truth and a manipulation all in one. Heinrich is one of the four, he's a merchant of death, and he is smarter than her by leagues. He outwits her, which I know isn't hard given her current state, but the seeds are planted here for her future betrayal of her friends.

She becomes a bad girl in this chapter, and that sticks with her through until the end. There isn't really a way out, except through her actions. She never really has a point where she monologues against this man and King Tanas, she shares her doubts and hatred for them after they turn on her at the end, but again, there is that open question of were they really trying to help her?

Later on, yes, we realize they have a huge self-interest at heart here, and they want her to be a part of the master plan. They still likely have hopes of this at the end, and Heinrich's fate is left open for many of the same reasons I left Tanas' fate open. We need to be conscious of the 'merchants' we deal with, beware of those who sell weapons which could become self-fulfilling prophecies, and be socially conscious of who we deal with and what they are doing to our world. Yes, there is a heavy progressive theme here, but really, it is a wholesome, grass-roots, be aware of what you are buying and supporting message that I feel is important for people to be aware of and shop with a clear conscious.

And the scene ends with War coming down and ruining everything. There's a reason for that too, it is the book's first WTF moment, and it is meant to shock and up the ante on just what she is getting involved with. She ends the chapter near-death from just looking into War's eyes from a distance, and we now realize what we are up against.

And at that point, she is closer to Death than she realizes, as the next horseman manipulates her and rebuilds her into the image of the angel of death they want her to be. Evil corporations without your best interests at heart? There is a message here, yes, as she mindlessly clicks-through her 'user agreement' with Heinrich and her soul is sold down a path of evil.

Be careful who you deal with.

King Tanas, the White Horseman

I loved writing for King Tanas, he is such a lying and deceitful bastard with twisting words, false sympathies, and fake smiles - he makes my skin crawl.

He is the man on the white horse, the one who wears the false crown of leadership - a king, a leader of men, and the wickedness ultimate trust and power brings to humanity. Every word is honeyed and smooth, every argument reasonable, yet behind every word likes a snake and a dagger, with venom and hidden intent.

He is Jessica's friend, someone who know who she is and wants to help her. He praises the image Death has created her in, and soothes her fears with kind words. In short, he is exactly the person you do not want to trust in a time of uncertainty and change. He offers her shelter and comfort, and he leaves out every word which would give her pause, saying truths by careful omission.

She even nearly falls for him at one point, highlighting the aphrodisiac raw power brings to a man. It makes my skin crawl, but this isn't unheard of. Power is that alluring.

He reappears later, and his true intent is shown. He puts her in quite a dire position, and for him to do this shows his callous disregard of her and the lengths he will go to abuse his power. It means nothing for him to keep her awake forever and unable to return to her angel form, he is a wicked, wicked man with no conscious and soul. He makes her an offer she can't refuse, and she regrettably accepts.

Or does she?

There is a point here where she could have turned, and I'm not certain she didn't in a way. She could have sacrificed herself at this moment and prayed for another way, however impossible that would have been, but she didn't. She walks with evil again, and her selfishness and self-interest are shown as she plots with the conspirators. I am still wondering why she made that change, and then she kept her secrets as the book drew to a close.

I am certain she did switch sides there, at least in her older-self's interests, and her future family's. She saves them through that action, but she realizes she must let go. She loses them to herself forever there, and accepts the mantle of being one of the bad guys. She does so out of acceptance of their power and might, she can't blindly fight them on principle, she has no idea of their power, and given War's demonstration, she has a good reason to play along.

Or is she?

It is a turn for her, and no, I'm not writing a sequel, even though it would be compelling to see her cross paths with these wicked men again. She is not a good guy, and like her fallen angel compatriot, Azrael, she is an outsider to Heaven looking for redemption. It is kind of the character I wanted her to be, a typical woman who never was that religious being thrust into the middle of prophecy and events tied to scripture. She fits the Azrael role well, but she is a confused outsider trying to survive. In this weakness, she sides with evil at a critical point, and agrees to do their bidding.

But evil's hand forces her in another direction by the end.

Yet King Tanas' hand is felt, and we are left to wonder about his role. Was he working for her, or against her? Did he send those men? Were all his words truthful, and was he really trying to do what he said? She has good reason to disbelieve him by the end, but the question is open for a reason. As long as there are those in power out there who would use that advantage for personal gain, we must be ever watchful and vigilant. His story was not cleanly wrapped up because it is the truth of the world which we live today, and a call for responsible and civic leadership which is selfless, honest, and progressive in its governance of its people.

But who is King Tanas, really? He offers clues, and there may be other clues hiding in plain sight. I'll leave that for you to discover.

Anderson Becks, the Warrior

I never intended Colonel Anderson Becks to be that important of a character, but he surprised me.

He was "the soldier who spoke at the diner" for the longest time, wanting to take Jessica in like some heavy brute in the movies. All he was there for was to make her run away, a 'heavy' if you will.

Then during early summer, I took a break away from the book. I left it, I put it aside. I think I got as far as the scene where she arrives at the church, and I needed inspiration before I could go on with the project. There is a reason the church is the turning point in the book, because I needed some time away to make the book what I wanted.

There does come a point in projects where you are in such a new place you feel lost. At this point, Jessica had been all over time and the history of the event, the bad guys have spoken, and she was on the run. She had just saved an innocent family, and she ended up at a place where the survivors of the terrible day had huddled together to pray.

It was as good as a place of any to take a break for myself.

So I worked on several other projects, I took some time off, and I read through the book several times before I wanted to commit to finishing. When I came back, I wrote the chapter where the religious leaders in the church helped her figure out the forces behind the events of the day, and then it hit me - she needed to go back.

She has this moment in the church bathroom where she is very reflective, and she is staring into the bathroom mirror just talking to herself. I had always intended for her to go Ellen Ripley on the evil knights holding Azrael, but a thought hit me - she couldn't do this alone. In a way, she told me this, and she was sitting there alone in the church bathroom waiting for an answer from me as the writer. By now she has a little more control over her powers, so she decides to go back and go to the one person who has the power to help her - the Colonel and his men in the diner.

It was a surprising turn for me and Jessica, for the first time she's seeking out help and not going it alone. It is also a chance to introduce those who make the regretful task of war their occupation, the warriors themselves. I wanted this balance, I didn't want the book to be so anti-war that it left no room to honor those who fight them for us, so the Colonel became the second most important character in the book almost immediately. He does play such an important role later where he directly changes the ending, so there is an honoring of the sacrifices these people make.

The book needed this message, and it needed this man as a metaphor with his story.

All of a sudden, the book had an ending, and it had balance through this character. The Colonel took the book on a whirlwind ride by the ending, his contacts and role put Jessica on a completely different path than the dark and brooding beginning. We meet some great characters, the book steps into a grand finale worthy of a Hollywood blockbuster, and she realizes what she must do and how she must do it.

Involving him was really Jessica's decision, not mine, and I went with it. These are those magic moments when a book surprises you, and you need to chase them down to see where they go.

Yes, the tone of the second half is more action-adventure than gothic-horror, but again, this is the book I wanted to write. It had to be this way, it felt true to me, and it showed the change that positive action in the face of uncertain adversity and what that could do. Then again, this was the Colonel's doing, he led me down this one possible path, and I enjoyed it so much it became the book.

There is a message here too that kept true to the ideas I wanted to present. It couldn't drag on forever with the dark horror elements, and once our heroine changed, the tone and direction of the story had to as well. If it were to drag on with the dark elements and the hopelessness, the book would not have the meaning I wanted it to have, and the message would be lost. So act two of the book is purposefully a roller-coaster of horror, tension, and action.

There still are some very, very dark parts to this half, and some parts where our heroine becomes a willing tool of evil, betraying her friends for a selfish cause. She lives with this sin, and by the end she realizes the role she has to play, the promises made to her by evil be damned. Things just happen, evil made its bed and she reacts harshly, and she rises to the moment.

And in the final pages the warrior sacrifices, and something wonderful happens. She helps this along by doing the right thing, and it is a very personal, beautiful, and bittersweet moment. That sacrifice honors the warrior, but not the war. Balance is achieved, and the story can end.

She walks away a little wiser, a lot sadder, and with pain in her heart. She knows, however, she has done the right thing, so that makes the pain a little easier to live with every day.

Letting Go

Jessica does a lot of letting go in On Black Wings. I could have went the heroic route with the main storyline and made everything better in the end, which for one version of her ends up being the truth, but I didn't. I didn't feel it would be honest or true to my vision. Nor would it be true to the way I felt about the message. In a world where you lose control, people often end up broken and shattered, and they have to pick up the pieces.

She needed to discover herself, and not the self she knew when she started the book. Her future self's story was done, and it was fascinating to have that to reflect on throughout the series and always come back to. Then again, how could she let her life go? Her husband, and her children? There is an element of pre-destiny I played with in her younger self reacting to her older self's decisions, like her younger self was trying to fix everything in her older self's life.

Of course, she isn't too successful at it, and she ends up sabotaging herself quite literally. There's a point there where she gives up in a way, at least in trying to directly influence the outcome of her older life, and she switches focus on her current plight as her younger self. It is an important break, and she gets treated quite harshly by the survivor of that incident, she pulls inside, and then she gets angry. She vows to help from afar at that point, even if it is just to herself, her relationship be damned.

She gets further and further from her older self as the book goes on, and there a catharsis in that. Like with any traumatic even, the pain dulls, but you always keep feeling it. Same here, she loses her family (first literally, then they are well in another timeline, and then emotionally), and she continues on always caring, but the things she can do or even has the energy to do dwindle with the merciless ticking of time.

There is a scene where she meets another family that is a pivotal moment for her letting go. Through helping others, she realizes the world is bigger than her, and she starts to take on the mantle of a hero for the first time. It's not about "me" anymore, it's about "us" and she realizes her role in the world. The book turns here, and she starts to build herself into someone who matters, even though she lacks control of her current situation, she is on a progressive path of change and self-actualization.

It's an important thought, even though we don't have control of our current situation and we never know what the next day brings, we can still be positive forces in the world.

Through saving others, she begins to take positive steps. Not all of them end up being helpful, but she goes from being a victim to a damaged heroine who deals with her current situation the best she can. Things don't magically get better, but through willpower and positive direction, things can improve. We still live with the damage, some things we still need to let go, but we are in a better place than when we were lost in total darkness.

I loved this progression to her. She feels like 'damaged goods' - but in a way we all are, dealing with loss and life, heartache and things we can do nothing about. She gets by as best she can, but there is a beauty to that journey, and one we walk with her as she adapts to her new life alone.