She's a Monster

There's a point in On Black Wings when our heroine becomes a monster. That scene, and the one right before it, were two of the most difficult scenes to write in the book, but if you understand them, what happened in those two scenes is what she is fighting.

She turns very dark, and you get a sense she doesn't realize it or can't control it afterwards. She shifts into this monstrous persona, and then quickly justifies it after a short moment of realization. She can't deal with it all that well, so she pushes it away. It comes out again, to be sure, but she doesn't want to acknowledge her wicked side past that point.

She changes, and darkly so. I am left to wonder if she didn't make a conscious effort and willing decision to join with the forces of evil at that point, and she does in some ways, feeling darkness can help her more than the forces of good. She is conflicted out of a feeling of helplessness in the face of incredible power, so she goes along with those who wish to do the world ill - for her own reasons.

It's a metaphor for today, really. People are so powerless in the face of corruption, the loss of jobs, and the loss of control in their lives they sit like ants on a raft in the sea. They go along with the same powers that prey upon them because they feel so helpless - fighting the system would be futile, right? She still understands what is right and what is wrong, and she uses the power she is given by darkness to do right in some small way. She gives up her principles for small victories, and these are ultimately selfish ones at heart.

So she becomes a monster. It is a fascinating shift for her, and one I am not sure she fully understands the consequences of. She is still a fish out of water here, manipulated, and figuring out how to survive in her new reality. Still, she knows something is wrong, and we can just feel the tension, and we know she will bolt away somewhere at the first opportunity.

Yet in this she is selfish, and she is reminded of that by another key character who ends up on the opposite side by the end battle. She can't let go of who she wants to be even then, but something happens to make her see the error of that thinking. She still hates letting go, but she knows what she has to do to make the ultimate sacrifice for the good of the world.

His sacrifice forces her to rethink the whole monster thing quickly, and she makes a snap decision for the side of good. It's a fun moment and it shows her true self again pulling through and taking control of her destiny.

The ending is actually very exciting and twisted, I never expected it to end this way, but it amazed me and took my breath away. It is a change from the beginning of the book, and almost movie-like, but it felt true to her path. Her wings also play a big role in this, almost a transformation for her, and she discovers what it means to take on the mantle of heroism.

She accepts she is a monster, and she uses it not for herself, but selflessly for others.

She has to fight the ultimate evil by the end, and she realizes in that evil lies a weakness. One she discovered by going through what she endured, and through that journey. Her weakness becomes her strength, her monster becomes her power to do good and redeem herself.